how sweet you are in your long, black, American car…

it’s weird how I can start out in a good mood… or at least a normal one… and end up sick with sadness… nothing having happened at all, save for hearing a certain song, or folding a piece of clothing that reminds me of someone. How can something so small and meaningless send me into a spiral? I re-read “Consider a Move” by Michael Ryan today. It’s one of my favorite poems of all time, but it haunts me. And I cant figure out if it found me this afternoon or if I sought it out.

And then for some reason I always feel the need to feed it, to indulge it. For some reason, my solace is complete desolation.

So here is me listening to the music I KNOW will affect me, typing away feeling sorry for myself. Trying to dredge up the next bad memory, fear, or problem.

It’s kind of like pressing on a bruise… it hurts, but in some masochistic way it feels good.

gross. what is wrong with me?

Advertisements

One thought on “how sweet you are in your long, black, American car…

  1. gharris says:

    jessie, you inspire me. you write the words i could only hope and pray to find one day to describe how i feel sometimes. you are an amazing woman. an incredible friend.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s